Triathlon Humor

This page aims to be the official list of  ”You know You’re a Triathlete When…” Let us know below if we missed something.

1. You failed high school chemistry but you could teach a course on lactic acid.
2. While at the gym, you change clothes as fast as possible because it feels like a transition.
3. You wear your heart rate monitor during sex.
4. You bring bottled water to a party so that you’re properly hydrated for the next morning’s long run.  Everyone else at the party also brought their own bottled water because you don’t have a social life outside of triathlon.  Everyone showed up by 7pm and left by 10pm.
5. You know you’re a triathlete when you wear your bathing suit under your work clothes to make a fast transition from work to swim on your lunch hour.
6. Your girlfriends are insanely jealous of your tan legs. Until they realize that the tan stops at your bike shorts.
7. One of the criteria of a vacation is that the hotel has a spin bike, pool and there’s running trails nearby.
8. Baggage for any out of town trip includes running gear and goggles.
9. 90 degrees is too hot to mow the lawn but not to go on a century ride.
10. You know you’re a triathlete when you consider Clif Bars one of the four food groups
11. You wake up at 5 am but don’t get to work until 9.
12. You think there are only two seasons during the year, triathlon & marathon.
13. The inside of your car looks like a going out of business sale at Sports Authority.
14. You consider work, recovery time between training sessions.
15. You know you’re a triathlete when you have a water bottle when you drive your car.
16. You spend your 2 week annual vacation at a training camp.
17. You know exactly how much protein each energy bar has.
18. Your legs are smoother than your girlfriend’s.
19. You use race shirts to clean your bike.
20. You know you’re a triathlete when you take more showers at the gym than at home.
21. 6:30 am is sleeping in.
22. You have everything needed in your car to swim, bike or run within 5 minutes notice.
23. The one “suit” you own has Xterra written on the chest.
24. You catch yourself about to blow a snot rocket while walking around the office.
25. You know you’re a triathlete when you take ice baths!
26. You can plow through a whopping plate of pancakes and sausage and go back for seconds with a clear conscience.
27. You don’t mind your spinach in liquid form.
28. Your cologne of choice is chlorine.
29. You consider ‘bonking’ a bad thing.
30. You know you’re a triathlete when your house and office is littered with half full water bottles
31. Your bike costs more than your car.
32. You shout “on your left”  when passing people in the aisles at the grocery store.
33. You use the words “only”  and “10k”  in the same sentence.
34. IM no longer refers to ‘instant message’.
35. You know you’re a triathlete when you use the words “easy” and “long run” in the same sentence.
36. You not only eat gels, but you know the best flavors for every brand.
37. Your bath towel is never dry.
38. Your wife no longer thinks it’s strange that you keep a heart rate monitor at your bedside.
39. You take two showers a day.
40. You know you’re a triathlete when you think the ultimate form of wallpaper is all your racing bibs.
41. You have a vanity license plate with the word “Kona” in it.
42. After you meet someone and they tell you they race, you go home and check online to see what age group they’re in and what their times are.
43. You plan vacations around where your next race will be.
44. You feel like you took the day off because all you did was swim 3000 yards.
45. You know you’re a triathlete when you show up to work on Mondays with faded race numbers written all over your arms and legs.
46. About half the shirts you own have at least a dozen logos on the back of them.
47. There is a group of people in your life about whom you are more likely to know how fast they can swim 100 meters than their occupations.
48. There’s a separate load of laundry every week that is just your workout clothes.
49. You don’t giggle anymore when someone uses the word ‘Fartlek’.
50. You know you’re a triathlete when your bike is in your living room (possibly mounted on your trainer).
51. A car follows too closely behind you and you accuse them of drafting.
52. Your friends cried during The Notebook; you cried during the television coverage of the Ironman World Championship.
53. Your husband/wife is looking forward to the day when you will slow down and just run marathons.
54. You see no problem with talking about treatments for chafing or saddle rash at the dinner table.
55. You know you’re a triathlete when nobody believes you when you say “I’ll never do an Ironman”.
56. You have peed outdoors more times in the last year than you did in your first year of college.
57. You call a 5 mile run an easy day.
58. You shave way too many body parts for a guy.
59. You spend more money on training clothes then work clothes.
60. You know you’re a triathlete when you clean your bike more often than your car.
61. Your car smells like a locker room.
62. You have far more pairs of shoes in your closet than your non-tri wife does in hers.
63. You go for a 5K cooldown run after a 5K race just so that you can call it a training session.
64. You have to explain to your co-workers what “splits,” “bricks,” and ‘LSDs” are.
65. You know you’re a triathlete when people see your ’140.6′ sticker on your vehicle and ask what radio station that is.
66. You’ve forgotten how to drink out of cups.
67. When asked how old you are you answer 30-34.
68. When people praise you for being able to run 15 miles you feel insulted.
69. You purchase your new car to match the color of your bike.
70. You know you’re a triathlete when your car purchase depends on whether your bike will fit in the back.
71. You consider sprint triathlons as group training sessions.
72. You reach for a snack, and its a Clif Bar.
73. You pass people in a crowded hallway and say “on your left.”
74. You plan your wedding to not be during race season nor to interfere with your training leading up to race season.