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Triathlon Humor

TRI not to pee yourself!

Chuck Norris in Triathlon

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Chuck Norris likes his toast with body glide and chain grease. What does he use to lube his chain? Terrorist tears.

Chuck Norris didn’t get an Ironman tattoo, Ironman got a tattoo of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not use Body Glide; his nipples can cut steel.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a wetsuite because water gets out of his way.

Chuck Norris eats actual hammers for nutrition.

Chuck Norris did Ironman Wisconsin and Ironman New Orleans. He never stopped swimming. The Mississippi River was created.

Chuck Norris has only wrecked once, in Ironman Arizona. The aftermath of his crash is commonly known as The Grand Canyon.

Chuck Norris has no need for aero bars, disc wheels, or a helmet. He simply stairs down the air and it moves out of his way.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a timing chip on his ankle. Once the race is over HE decides what his time should be.

Chuck Norris does not need a razor to shave his legs. He just has to flex.

Chuck Norris can volunteer at a triathlon and still win it.

You know what Chuck Norris puts in his fuel belt? Fuel.

Chuck Norris had to stop training for the bike. When he rode from east to west, the Earth’s rotation changed causing time to reverse. Later, the makers of Superman II stole his idea.

When Chuck Norris did Ironman, the lead motorcycle had to draft off him just to keep up

Chuck Norris is allowed to buy “Finisher merchandise before the race.

During the post-ironman interview, Chuck Norris responded with, “What race?”

If Chuck Norris got a flat on the bike, he would just take yours.

The ongoing wind on the Queen K was created by one of Chuck’s round house kicks in 1983.

Seizing Opportunity

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There’s a guy who is an avid runner. Actually, he’s an ultra runner. Every Saturday morning he gets up very early and runs for hours.

One Saturday he gets up early, quietly throws on his shorts and singlet and goes out to his car. It is raining cats and dogs, not to mention there was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing around 30 mph.

He goes back into the house, checks his phone for the weather and finds that it’s supposed to keep it up all day. So he undresses just as quietly, and slips back into bed where he cuddles up to his wife’s back and whispers, “The weather out there is terrible.”  She replies, “Can you believe it, my stupid husband is out running in it?”