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Triathlon Humor

TRI not to pee yourself!

A Cheating Wife

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Dear Abby,

I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife is cheating on me. I see the usual signals; the phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with ‘the girls’ a lot lately, although when I ask for their names she says, “just some friends from work, you don’t know them.” I try to stay awake to see when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. I think deep down, I just didn’t want to know the truth.

Last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.  Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my road and mountain bikes so I could get a good view of the street when she arrived home from her night out with ‘the girls’.  When she got out of the car, she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open. She took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that very moment, crouching behind my bike, I noticed a slight crack in the downtube, two inches behind the headset. Is this something I can fix myself, or should I take it back to the bike shop?

— Concerned Cyclist

Heaven for Cyclists

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A dedicated cyclist dies and goes to heaven.  Waiting for him at the gate is St. Peter.  The first thing the cyclists asks is if there are bikes in heaven.

“Of course,” says St. Peter, “come with me and I’ll show you,” He leads the cyclist into the most beautifully exquisite velodrome you could possibly imagine.

“This is amazing,” the cyclist says.

“It certainly is,” says St. Peter. “You will have a custom bike and the best cycling clothes anyone could hope for, and your personal masseuse will always available.”

As they are talking, they hear an amazing roar and are nearly swept off their feet by a huge gust of wind as something just sped by them on the boards riding a gold plated bike.

“Wow!” the cyclist exclaims. “That guy was amazingly fast, it must have been Lance Armstrong!”

“No,” says St. Peter, “that was God on the bike, he only thinks he’s Lance”.